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Dec. 30th, 2010

SNOW! It is Blizzarding here! YAY!!!!! *runs and flops making the new powder snow go POOF!*

Today is GREAT!

Oh my goodness! What a time it's been for the last two weeks.

Our trip to San Diego was wonderful is not very tiresome. We got to see many people who counted, missed out on a few who were important, and shoved in a trip to Disneyland, Disney California Adventure and Sea World! Had the Sister of my Heart and Brother strapped to our hips, Gromit got to see her Biological Father for a time, visited with family in Long Beach and threw a great and funtabulous bonfire.

Returning this past Thursday we dove right into family time with my Walrus's parents and Granpa. . . god that family is special. I'm so glad my man isn't too much like them. They just left this morning . . .

AND NOW I CAN BREATHE and begin the tedious work of unpacking from our trip (which included two Christmas' with shit) as well as putting away from the MASSIVE Christmas my Walrus' side brought along with them from Lousiana.

*bouncey bounce* And I'm quite the excited Duckie. Either this week or next week my Hubby and I will be getting our wedding rings tattooed on our fingers!!!! Now I must narrow down exactly what I want for him. . . decisons decision.

*bounce bounce bounce*

6 hours left before we head out of this god forsaken town and drive HOME!!!! I want to be back in my native home so bad I can feel the sea breeze on my face and smell that memorable mix of salt water and something foul you just don't want to know about . . . I need a Target, Costco, PANDA FUCKING EXPRESS!!!!! This town is crap for shopping and even crappier for food.

I am suppose to get some sleep so that I can drive the first shift and let my Walrus nap since he worked from 2 to 11:15pm . . .but am I soooo excited and impatient and wide awake. Also, my Walrus was a dumbass and packed my sleep meds and therefore I have to force the sleep through nyquil . . .I hope . . .

In less than a day, I shall be in my true home, hugging my Mom again, hanging out with the Sister of my Heart and my Brothers, going to Disneyland, Sea World and seeing my Long Beach family . . . and in less than a week, it will all be over too fast and too soon. I don't know if I can handle coming BACK to this town as well as I handled moving here . . .it's sucking me dry of my patience, my happiness, my personality, and my time. And I am STILL fucking living with one of my parents.

Oh Lord, hear my prayer. And look out San Diego! Here we come to blow throught the town and paint it red!!!!

A HELLO! and possible goodbye.

Once again, I'm vowing to myself and this interweb world that I will be doing my blogging more often than not. But because it's been such a long LONG time since last I wrote and because I'm in a screw you if you don't like it enlightenment time, I'm giving fair warning to all you continue on with me:

1.) If you wish to remain as one of my friends, please let me know. I'll be keeping a slecet few on my side, but for those who I don't know well or personally at all, I'm giving yu the option of telling me to fuck off or to remain on the rollercoaster that is my LJ.

2.) If you could care less about me, let me know too, so I can be sure to not wste either of our times.

3.) If you're one of the brave few willing to continue on, or if you are one of the poor unfortuantes I'm keeping for myself, be forewarned. This is MY blog that includes MY life, MY feelings, and MY opinions. I don't mind some friendly agruements or debates, but I don't have to apologize for me. Nor SHOULD I. I am blunt, forthright, speak my mind and my opinions, and I'm saturated in it all. Love me or get the fuck out!

4.) Hehehehehehehehehe . . .hang on to your turban kid, cause here. we. goooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

MY BACK!

If my shoulders and lower back weren't killing me, I'd have to say this has been a lovely day so far.

Anyone know of a free or cheap (good) massage place? I've never had one and I think I need one, desperately.

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FYI

I need a dryer that doesn't cost me quarters or is two blocks away.

This haning things on the line hick shit has got to go.

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Dec. 11th, 2008

It's not getting better.
Everything just seems to be snowballing and pulling me under.
I'm so jumbled in emotions right now. I can't tell what is valid and what is BS and just egging on the rotten feelings.
I feel completely underappreciated.
I feel competely unloved in all and any ways love can be given.
I feel claustrophobic.
I feel tied down.
I feel totally worn out by being what that girl isn't.
I feel like I can't be anything but what that girl isn't because I'd rish too much of my leftover emotions.
I can't win.
I feel like that girl that everyone wants around at a party but somehow always misses being invited until halfway throught he party when people go "Where's so and so?"
I feel like I'm in a corner booth that says "Love and to be loved in return" it just so happens to be painted in black under a black light.
I'm embarrassed to seriously ask for much needed sweet attention but can never lack in group participation attention.

I just want to curl up under blankets, cry, and pray someone is out there withthe blinders off to see my pain. But then I know I would pretend nothing was wrong when seriously asked. There's too many EMO BS blubbery stupid girls out there anyhow. I don't want to be like that, but I think I'm tearing myself apart trying to be the opposite, the cool one, the one that can handle almost anything thrown at her, the one that can set aside personal feelings on a given situation because that's what is needed.

I don't think I want a real relationship with any of the guys I've got going right now . . .but just for once, it'd be nice to have the guy want me back. Or want me at all other than that really cool chick.
Can't I run away and become a Carnie for a time? I'm really good and selling things. Like my fascade and mascarade.

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I cried alone in my living room about 45 minutes ago. Two nights ago I cried myself to sleep.

I am a selfish woman for wanting something so desperately when I have a fabulous almost 4 year old to handle.

I am an unfortunate woman for wanting something so desperately and realizing it will probably never be something I can obtain.

I am a completely pathetic woman to settle for any roadkill that resembles that something.

I am a worn out and tired woman from working so hard at being the type of girl that isn't like those types of girls.

I am an emotional train wreck of a woman that has to use a threadbare cloaking device to hide the train wreck from the good citizens eyes.


~I am a worn out, tired, unfortunate, selfish, pathetic, emotional train wreck of a woman. And I'm wiped out at pretending otherwise.~





But don't worry, by the time the sun comes up, I'll have fixed my make-up and slashed the corners of my mouth in a permi-grin and all will be right with me in your world.

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Geek Love

Comic Con!

Awesomeness!

Great Climax to my rollercoaster week.

More Harley Quinn comic goodness!

Another Gris Grimly storybook. (Love him)

Awesome collector art cards by Rak.

Lovely lunch with poprox03, mtheu2nut and her wonderful husband threeedgesword.

Next year will be different. I am determinded to make it so. Next year I will be constumed properly. Next year Gromit will love and appreciate it. Next year I won't wait til the last minute to be able to go. Next year I'll not be scrambling for spare cash (though I'll continue to be frugal with spending it). Next year . . .I might or might not wear the corset.

THANK YOU APRIL ELVIRA. Hope you feel better and are able to get out of your hotel room!!!

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WTF

How on EARTH could fucking Mariah Carey outsell Mr. Elvis Presely himself?




The state of this world sickens me.

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